Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. . Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. If we . Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. On the Green In Two. In case he gets a hole in one. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. 4. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Nuts! A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. - Mickey Mantle. nay I my child, and eke, oh! What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. There are no absolutes in golf. The smile looks really good on you. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Golf is a lot like life. Lift your head and spread your legs. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Here, have a carrot! The guys who come 2. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Knock, knock Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! I'm Tiger Woods. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Golfing? Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. 4. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. They like cricket better. I . You need to adjust your grip. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. When is it too wet to play golf? A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. I was actually enjoying it. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Happy Gilmore. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Boo who? USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. Golf is more complicated than that. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Don't dirt your soul. 9. The Dalai Lama himself. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. What do you call a lion playing golf? They dont have the heart for it. 3. Funny Family Poems. 3. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Do you know what the Lama says? Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. fodrizzle. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Golf?! Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. It bends a little to the left. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Knock, knock Knock, knock Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. 20. Whos there? Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. My drives aren't always long and straight. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Damn, my shaft's all bent. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. He said. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Wodehouse, 31. I give him the driver. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Fore! Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Putter Around. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Tahiti who? When your golf cart capsizes. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Your email address will not be published. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Knock, knock Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Wanna be my caddy? Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Check it out now! I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Golf is like doing your taxes. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Clubbing. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Whats the difference between golf and sex? No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Photo: Shutterstock. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. A dinner without wine. How the heck did that happen? I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Correct one fault at a time. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Keep your sense of humor. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? It will test your patience. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. If you break 80, watch your business.". I`m really worried about myself. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Always keep learning. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Damn, girl. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Golf Quotes About Life 22. Chip Shot. -Lee Trevino Such is the game. Intercourse! Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. 3. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. They expect to succeed! Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? 3. Achieve more with each and every round you play. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Boo. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. P.G. 1. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Golf is a puzzle without an answer. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. I'll let you beat me. Play golf. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Keep your head down. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Tiagra. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. 21. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. In the Golf of Mexico! When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Just in case they get a slice! 7. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Their fore-fathers! ~ Sijin Bt. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Dirty Golf Sayings. We share them in our weekly newsletter. About 160 yards was his reply. "Golf is my profession. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. no! Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. If you break 80, watch your business. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. 4. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? I like big putts and I cannot lie. But you cant just forget not to think. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Is everything okay?. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. Your fifth putt. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Wodehouse Because subtraction speaks louder than words. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Your email address will not be published. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. had to choose, right ? As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. A fan in the crowd said Mr. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. The end. Two, be your own person. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Go to the golf course. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Oh my God, what have I just said?". The other 20. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Im the best. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Sir W.G. Does a bear crap in the woods? Lift your head and spread your legs. -Happy Gilmore. Whos there? Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? My three keys to success: One, work hard. Because they might get a slice. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. 21. He was perfecting his swing. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! 7. I like big putts and I cannot lie. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Peter Jacobson, 33. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot I stepped on a rake.". I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Eight. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings.
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