She is an accredited and highly experienced P.E.T. For many of us, hearing this phrase is like a warm hug. Yes, I'm sure you've come across "me too" in such situations, but it's very often ambiguous, or sounds arrogant. Proud" as praise - an external judgement of someone elses achievements. 1. So, the next time someone says Im proud of you, remember to take the time to think about how you want to respond. When you say, "I'm proud of you," you may actually be simply rejoicing in another. However Simon Cowell for instance often says he is proud of a contestant he has never met before. but with my Mothers words of wisdom always echoing. ), Seven Thoughts to Help You Parent Peacefully, Hints on Maintaining a Harmonious Household. He gets a "that's nice". If that's the case, I suggest a change of phrase. 4. You will even fall in love with me again seeing the next surprise! To me, if someone I respect said they were proud of me, would mean much more and have a much better and more positive effect on me than if they said Im really happy for you because the feeling of someone being proud for me includes me, my efforts and achievements, and unites me with that person who said it at the moment of saying it. Someone who credibly says "I'm proud of you" usually has two characteristics. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre also taking advantage of the power of positive reinforcement. You could also feel patronised. If youve finally graduated or youre the first one who got an A + in your entire family, your parents express how proud and happy you make them. 16. I'm so much proud of you for completing your graduation and wish you will succeed in every . Often the 'I'm proud of you' I get from strangers includes an unwanted and inappropriate familiarity, a hug a bit too long or a bit too hard, a knowing look and more emphasis on the 'I' than the 'you' in the 'I . "), Parent: "Im proud that you got all As in your school report/won that tennis trophy", How might you feel as the child? "You make me so mad.". The best way to do this is to express your own feelings of appreciation. I dislike the phrase entirely, regardless of how we are involved in the individuals life: parent, teacher, mentor, etc. But if someone says this to you, without further explanation, then it means that you are not a priority to them, they have other things that they are doing. I think the phrase Im proud of you is insulting, for the reasons noted above. "How long have you been sober?". Now whether its romantic or a deep friendship is a different question. I have a one year old boy and a two month old boy, and I had my first day back at work yesterday. Better Responses 2023. You are asked at the cocktail party what you do. 20 of the Best Encouraging Words that Hold any Caregivers Up 06 "Tim, I keep wondering what Dad would say if he were alive right now. Instead, I try implementing the approach from Parent Effectiveness Training (PET), a peaceful, gentle approach to parenting, that teaches respectful communication skills, and offers alternatives to using rewards (such as praise), or punishments (such as saying "Im disappointed"). You're not necessarily the expert. An acquaintance commented on a recent Facebook post I made that he was proud of me and immediately I felt so mad about that but couldnt figure out why. This will help to build your self-esteem and will help you to feel more confident. The first time I remember hearing it said to me (though I'm sure there were times before the instance I'm describing . Youll feel mad and resentful. My native language is not English, but I have fallen into the unfortunate (for somethings) of social netwoks, like facebook. By being proud of me that person shares their mind and soul with my mind and soul and includes me in a certain extended period of that persons life. 24. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. I also have to let go of holding it against him, because I presume it was a well-meaning gaffeinstead of saying how happy he is for me, as hes never been belittling before. 2. You can accomplish anything that you put your mind to. If a parent can say, Im proud of you, then can the parent also say the opposite , Children may become dependent on their parents (and others, such as teachers or grandparents) evaluation of their achievements. A Summer Like No Other - Bushfires, Fear, Famly, Hope and Change, Preparing To Say Goodbye Even As I Hug Hello, When I Realised That Being A Parent To An Adult Is Different To Being A Parent Of A Child, Setting Limits Sets Limits On Children Learning to Discipline Themselves, Learning to Take The Back Seat As A Parent, As My Child Moves To Adulthood, Am I Treasuring The Moments? Most of the time, to be proud of someone means you know where they've been and how far they've come pride is a word about growth. So tell them it feels like you are bothering them. But, what would be the better ways to respond to I am proud of you other than just saying thank you. What does it mean when someone tells you that they are proud of you? I think we need to invent another word for that wonderful feeling in our own chest when someone we care for does something they feel proud about and we agree that they should feel proud. She texted back that I make her smile and that shes proud of me. However, the other expression Im really happy for you is so overused that it immediately rings the bell of insincerity. (a short read). 11. But I gratuitously accepted his compliment. Friend: "At least you have a job or daughter.". I have a little brother who is rather insecure and jealous of me, a very controlling person that thinks having a relationship with each other means that I put up with him trying to make me feel less than in the power scheme, which is precisely why I totally avoid him My YOUNGER brother about my creative talents has to say..I am extremely proud of you..for a bit, this has thrown me off, and I was not able to quite articulate how this really got under my skin, why I did a search on the phrase and have been thinking about itand yeah, it does seem a major insult when an emotionally uncool person whose relationship with you should be on equal terms has to act like a parent, always making a show of being the bigger man saying boy, I am so proud of you. So, if youve achieved something in your educational or professional field, and someone informs you theyre proud of you, it means you did a great job there. Let me tell you why. Children who are continually praised, or told "Im proud of you" may not believe their parent. If its a long-term relationship, the mentor will genuinely care. "I know you have a lot going on . When I tell my kids Im proud they are surprised and pleased. Thank you for always being such a supportive partner. Larissa is passionate about the skills taught in Effectiveness Training. If this is the case, then of whom is the parent really proud? They can be proud; we should be happy for them, and grateful that we played any part in it. Im so glad that youre there for giving me support. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means theyre happy to see, 43 Motivational Messages For Hard Working Boyfriend, funny excuses to ask for money from your parents, How to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend, 9 Best Answers To How Was Your Interview?, 16 Clever Comebacks When Someone Tells You To Grow Up, 18 Best Responses To Backhanded Compliments On Social Media. Children whose parents constantly say "I'm proud of you" may grow to be adults who rely on other people's opinion of them for validation. From what I read, she falls into the category of know them well but I wonder if its not something a bit out of place. 03:48. Here are seven possible ways to interpret his compliment. Truly grateful to have such a loving family. You cannot be proud of anything you were born with, only with what you achieve. But, its important to remember that responding to Im proud of you with gratitude can help to boost your confidence and will help you to overcome your self-doubt. Well, that means theyre impressed, happy, and overjoyed with what you did, achieved, or say something. Most times, people use "I am busy" as a tool for avoidance. . 16. I thought who gave you the superiority, you seem to be giving yourself for my accomplishment My friend didnt understand. Again, these phrases are my evaluation of my childs effort. In what context? Is it a parent speaking to a child, for instance, or a friend to a friend? We all have people in our lives who make us feel special, appreciated, and respected. Here subject and object are the same person. So thank you, mom and dad! But I would also add another category: people who know you well *because* they have worked with you and even for you for a long time. 5. Since first publishing this piece, I've spent many years thinking about, and discussing, why children might like to hear their parents say "I'm proud of you". But arguing about what words mean is pointless- meanings vary. . Please contact info@parentskills.com.au for further information. . you see the work of your close friend and you tell him "I am proud of you". 15. Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . He may understand you have daddy issues and need a masculine pat on the back. You might say: "I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking. First, there's physical attraction. We had a really nice time. I again said. So thank you Ben, for after read the above I feel happy with my Im thrilled for you, You must feel really proud and the like. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. I teach high school. I still think she was doing this at the time. As parents, it's important to stay calm and resist the urge to blame our kids or anyone else, really for our emotions. 4 . Saying, Im proud of you, is a great word and its an expression from the heart. Proverbs 29:23 A person's pride will humble him, but a humble spirit will gain honor. Let them know that you are grateful for their support and that you appreciate their words. My ex just said the same thing to me yesterday and it just didnt sound right to me. 2. But, seeing youre proud of me, Im fine. I have always seen it as, Ive been there, done that, and think you have done it too.. We are probably trying to encourage our children, and even instil in them a sense of pride in their own achievements. I can point them out to my friends and say, Those are my sons!. So we arranged to have her drive to the hotel where I was staying and we drove there together. Mull over various relaxing options, like meeting up for coffee or tea, and then send along one concrete plan, Manly says. When someone tells you that they are proud of you, not only are they impressed by something you did and who you are, but they also want others to know it. Lets look at some examples (followed by some suggested alternatives) adult first, then child, to help illustrate this point: Manager: "Im proud of the report youve written". 1. Set realistic goals. stories on the Parent Skills website are posted only as opinion or ideas, and are general in nature. Specialized in marketing, with 'communication' as a favorite subject, Ketan P. is a head writer at 'Better Responses'. 17. 1. Had I ever thought about the meaning behind these words? This is a very interesting discussion for me. They often tell each other they are proud of one anothers achievements and they all know its genuine. And that's how I arrived at the "I'm Proud of You" litmus test. I believe many people do not understand and appreciate the expression Im proud FOR you. On Wednesday, a Proud Boy leader, Joseph . I have never said to my children, I am proud of you. My reason is that thry are responsile for their successes and I shoudnt take any credit for it. You are using an out of date browser. Exactly the information I was looking for thank you! She only ever said it once but it has stuck with me forever: Youre the first person who is happy with it. Its very presumptuous. They may continually search for praise from their bosses, their co-workers, their partners. Graduates: TBA, Grandparents: PET for Grandparents. You: "I have so much to do and not sure how I am going to get it all done.". Suddenly I found myself questioning my rather lame Im thrilled for you. I dont think there is a neutral position. Also, as bilabial says, I like the recognize traits he values in himself, like his thoroughness and carefulness. Just let them be. Anyone who overthinks any form of compliments or think's that there are hidden agendas or people are not being completely honest about what they say, should take a step back and ask themselves why they are thinking those thoughts, personally i believe it's more about them and not what is being said about the phrase. Its my feeling that I should only express pride in something Ive accomplished. If you want to reply saying you're proud of the person saying he's proud of you, the only correct answer out of those four is "I'm proud of you too". This has always happened, but in a context like the current one, in which both rivalry and appearances are highly valued elements, it is very common for this class of individuals, educated to become this way, to appear. I think I instinctively recognized that the balance of power had somehow been upset, but couldnt put my finger on it. Here are some examples of ways you can respond to Im proud of you: These responses will show your appreciation for their words and will help to strengthen your relationship. thats a case of someone doing one-upmanship. For even more than mentors, but for people who deserve your care and attention in life. The administrator takes no responsibility for any action or outcome a reader may make as a result of reading a post. Ben Casnocha It is a darn good thing that you wrote your opinion; that I found it tonight, and that comments continue to be accepted. So - does this research negate my concerns regarding the phrase "I'm proud of you"? And, you are the best thing ever to happen to me. B Blue Apple Senior Member I agree with you: its sad that he did what my parents should have done. So, how should we respond to Im proud of you? I guess its an odd word and I stay away from it because I know how sensitive I am to it. Without you, I couldnt do it. But worse, my friend thanked them. I would almost join FB in order to make the comment, Why are you proud and impressed? It is a feeling of relief and it was all worth while you bringing them up properly. 11. First, is there anything more emotionally potent than someone you really care about and admire telling you, Im proud of you?, It feels like I can name many movies where this serves as the emotional climax. What would replace this oh-so-common parenting expression? Although its worth taking a mental note of that in case a pattern does develop. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. . 3. As if Im mentally retarded and reading a book for the first time in my life, and hoping to get a cookie and a star sticker. For what? When someone says Im proud of you, they are expressing their admiration and respect for you and that can be a powerful thing. . If you teach someone maths and they pass their exam same thing they are good because they have taken notice of your teaching. As a friend I want you to know that I am so proud of you. The phrase, in my belief, implies my contribution as a parent. That is why a long-term mentor can also feel pride. Proud Boys chairman Enrique Tarrio poses with a Proud Boys member at a rally in Delta Park in Portland, Oregon, on September 26, 2020. And do you really mean that you are damned impressed with your friend for her achievement? No, I am more proud of you, too. We love all of our readers and we want to you to know how much youre appreciated! It can also help to show appreciation to others and can help to create stronger relationships. I had an experience where a friend, who I consider in every way my equal, noticed that I made a healthy food choice (not that I didnt before, but I think its the first time he noticed) and he said, Oh Im so proud of you!.
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